Change your compliment tune!
Stop the “Good job” Domino Effect!
Have you ever experienced meeting a friend or acquaintance on the street, them stopping and politely asking ” how are you?” and then continuing on to walk without waiting for a response?
Some things go in one ear and out another and I am positive that you did not either bother responding to that query in full.
Life is hectic and busy and many of us choose what we want to hear. Being that the “hi how are you?” question is usually posed out of politeness and not actual interest, most people do not respond appropriately and if they do they are likely not even heard.
So too, a comment such as good job, does not hold much merit. It usually goes in one ear and out the other without processing what the speaker meant. The words are unfortunately overused and therefore not fully appreciated.
When a child is told good job on work they have done, they too usually accept the praise and continue on. The words are not something that they will remember. They would not come home saying:” Mom, my teacher told me good job today.” However should you change your tune and comment otherwise it is highly likely the children would react differently.
Imagine you would tell a child:” David, this is magnificent, I love the way you blended the colors.” or ” Rachel, you are sitting so nicely…” A child would appreciate that comment more and it would mean more to them.
The words are coming from your heart not from your mouth! It is something that you processed and shared with them. Saying good job is something that as a parent or teacher is often at the tip of your tongue. Commenting on specifics show the children you are fully acknowledging their behavior or work.
What else can you say beside for good job?
- Be specific!
You like the way they are sitting, say so. You like the way they worked on their project, say so. Let them know what pleased you.
- Notice the details.
Take a closer look at their work or behavior.
- Give feedback.
Comment on the effort they put in to doing something right.
Ask them how they accomplished a certain task. This will make them feel good, build self confidence and will also help with communication skills.
Use your words wisely. Do not cheapen them with the “hi, how are you” sing song or the “good job” sayings. Change your tune to change the way your child will accept and hear your compliments!