What are the five love languages?

Learn your child’s love language:

the five love languages

Love makes the world a sweeter place. Everyone needs to feel loved in order to blossom and yet everyone feels love differently. For some a gift expresses that emotion and for others a kiss.

According to Gary Chapman there are 5 different ways to show love. What can you do to speak straight to your child’s  heart?  Showing them love in their language!

The 5 different love languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation – Kind and encouraging words mean a lot to those who fall in this category. Compliments are words gift wrapped. The opposite holds true harsh words and criticism is like a knife cutting through them.
  2. Acts of Service- Receiving assistance in times of need, speaks a lot to those whose love language is through acts of service. This includes being helped with household chores, homework, and other responsibilities. Words like “let me help you” mean a lot.
  3. Receiving Gifts- The idea of receiving a gift and  the thoughts behind it mean a tremendous amount to those whom speak this language. It shows them that they are loved, cared for and mean a lot to the giver.
  4. Quality time- Undivided attention along with quality conversation and actions mean a lot to those who fall under this category. Being fully present for the other person without any distractions such as the phone, TV or food, shows true love to those whose love language is quality time.
  5. Physical touch- a person who’s love language is physical touch likes to be touched. This includes holding hands, a pat on the back, hugs, kisses, and caresses. 

How to find out your child’s love language:

Young children have a difficult time sharing with you what means a lot to them.

As an infant, physical touch and being there for your child is a necessity however as the child grows older they will develop their own love language, which may not include physical touch.

So what should you do to find out your child’s/ students love language?

It may be helpful to have a conversation with your child asking them how they know mommy loves them and listening to what they are saying.

Having a conversation and asking children what they prefer can show you a lot about them-

” Would you like me to massage you now ( physical touch) or should we rather read a book together? ” ( quality time)

“Should I write a story why I think you are special ( words of affirmation) or should we open the gift?” ( receiving gifts)

As you start giving a choice you will see a pattern emerge of your child’s preference. Asking once is not enough!

What is your love language? How do you show and like to receive love?

Children lying, is that a problem?

Is this a lie?

children lying

It’s an ongoing discussion among educators and parents how to deal with children lying. Some see it as as children’s imagination or want for fantasy while others feel children should not go ahead making up stories.

It is a hot and heavy discussion, how to deal with lying. However it is important to know the differences and understand where lying is coming from.

There are many ages and stages to lying and different times to be concerned and times to just to letting it pass.

Let us take a look how lying will look differently for each age group and then we can take a look how to interpret lying without freaking out that your child/ student lied:

Children lying:

2-4 Age Group – Toddlers and Preschoolers little lies:

When a child is young, such as 2 to 3 years of age their lying may just reflect their feelings. If you ask them: “Did you break this?”  their response might be “no”, as in I did not want to do it rather than no I did not break it. You might notice them lying in order for them to benefit something such as fear of your anger or punishment.

” Did you take my ring?”  children very likely might just respond no for it easier to say that than to deal with our anger or punishment.

Young children generally do not know the difference between truth and fiction.

Toddlers are too young to be punished for lying yet they are not to young to be educated about lying! You can gently point out to them- ” I see you are holding my ring.. seems like you took it.” However do not spend too much time on what had occurred and move on.

Preschoolers enjoy living in the world of make believe. At times their lies reflect their fantasy and imagination. It is important to realize that to them it is not always a lie. It is something that feels real and factual.

5 year old children can have make believe friends or siblings. ” My friend, Bella was punished today because she took away my teachers book.” This is something that the child dreamed of and it seemingly is not a lie to her. This is the age where their imagination is hard at work and helps children develop skills and creativity. There should not be much of a concern if your child likes to immerse themselves in wishful thinking.

5-8 Age Group- School-age lies

This is the age group where you can find children saying white lies to either cover up for a friends, avoid embarrassment or punishment.

It is important to realize and understand why children are lying in this age group. It likely is because they are having social or school difficulties that can be helped out with.

At this age, children understand that lying is not right and you can slowly educate them about the importance of saying the truth. Punishing them for the lie will not help the situation that they were caught lying about. Be sure to check the underlying factor as to what prompted them to lie.

Tweens- White lies and big lies:

Occasional lies are not unusual for children this age. They usually lie for the same reason adults do, to gain something or get away with something they did.

This is the age group where you should lead by example and show children it is not OK to lie.

 

So now you caught your child or student lying-

What can you do to prevent lies?

  1. consider age– remember if they are currently living in the fantasy world, leave them be!
  2. why are they lying- what is the underlying reason? At times you help the situation you can prevent lying ( such as a child saying they do not have homework because they do not know know how to do it)
  3. be a role model
  4. allow children to tell the truth without punishing in the heat of the moment- make it safe to tell the truth
  • Remember children lying is not the end of the world- how you deal with it can be!

 

Keep the praise flowing!

Hey, how well do you praise others?

Do you know that it is a skill to praise well?

Think about it, when someone praises you, you sometimes feel a warm bubbly feeling rising up within you, and other times it totally just passed you. That  shows that praising is a skill, not all of us can do it well.  However we can easily learn to make others feel great! Read on!

People praise others when they like what is being done. Praise gets that person to repeat that behavior that you enjoy for every person likes to be praised and will want to be praised again. It actually helps you to praise others because it will cause that person to repeat the behavior to receive the praise again.

So how can we get praise to cause that warm bubbly feeling to rise?

You got to FIRE it up!

Praising with fire:

praise well

F– Focus- the praise should be focused on something specific, such as ” I like the way you cleaned up your toys.” Instead of “nice job.”

I – Immediate- say it right away! As soon as you notice the behavior, this shows that you are excited and appreciative.

R– Real- the praise has to be real and genuine. You got to mean what you say. If the dinner was not so good find something else to praise such as the time it took to cook , never lie when you praise. Children and adults can tel! the truth!

E-Enthusiastic- When praise is said in a way that shows excitement and appreciation it means much more. Praising with a high five, a smile, thumbs up goes a long way!

 

Go to statements for praising well:

Saying thank you for…

I like when you…

great sharing…..

the __________________ was delicious

Remember the more specific you are the more the child or adult knows what to do next time to earn that enthusiastic praise and response from you.

What is your parenting style?

Do you have a parenting style?

different parenting styles

We all have different personalities, likes and dislikes causing us to have different parenting styles. However it is important to meet the basic needs of each child.

The four parenting styles are the ones most commonly referred to and parents usually fall in range between two of them. It is important to note that if you see yourself in a style that may not be healthy for your child to seek assistance.

Let us find out your parenting style and give you the tools to parent effectively:

The four parenting styles:

  1. Authoritative– High parental expectation of the child while being supportive and understanding.
  2. Neglectful- not recognizing children’s need for basics, such as warmth, food, clothing, physical affection
  3. Permissive–  parents whom like to indulge and spoil their children
  4. Authoritarian– demanding parents without support, expecting children to meet demands without showing them how to attain them and giving them the tools

Indicators of the 4 parenting styles:

Authoritative:

  • structure in the household- bedtime routines, rules
  • reasonable consequences if a rule is broken
  • open communication with child without fear of punishment

Neglectful:

  • child’s needs are not met whether it is physical or emotional
  • no knowledge of child’s feelings, personal and social life
  • not present for child whether at home, school functions and/ or events

Permissive:

  • inconsistent rules
  •  lack of structure or routine- for there is a want to please the child
  • bribing children
  • afraid of child’s outburst or frustration

Authoritarian:

  • strict household rules that never bend
  • unreasonable demands of the child
  • insisting the child listen without explanation
  • child is not allowed to make decisions or choices

Authoritative parenting helps children grow into responsible adults with a sense of security and understanding. Although at times it may be difficult for a child to accept parents demands they usually see that it is coming from a place of caring for the child and not selfish demands from the parents. Neglectful parenting is harmful for the child, for without the basic needs a child cannot learn and grow properly.

Neglectful children tend to grow up and neglect others for they did not learn proper relationship and communication skills.

Children whose parents were permissive throughout their childhood years have a tendency to be lacking in self control and grow up into demanding adults. They had seen that as a child by whining or complaining they got their way, thinking it might work as they grow older. They usually are self centered and do not respect authority.

Children of authoritarian parents may be noticed by low self esteem, constant anxiety and a wish to please others.

Although as parent we usually mix and match parenting styles it is important to keep in mind the effects of each style. Know that structure and support help build a child while the lack of it may break a child.

Are you Afraid of children?

fear of childrenDoes your stomach drop before entering a classroom or as your children walk through the door?

Some of you may laugh at the question, others would silently nod and ask how I know, while a few might say no and suggest otherwise.

Children do not instill fear, it may be their actions or behavior that can instill fear in adults. In addition fear is very encompassing. A teacher might be afraid that her students will not behave and listen to her lesson while a mom might have a fear that when the child walks in the whole house disrupts.

There are many different ways to deal with such a situation. However, as an educator and one who observes classrooms regularly as well as being a mom, the biggest and most harmful issue is when the child feels or knows that the adult is afraid or uncomfortable around  them.

As adults we must instill in our children a feeling of security and strength. By showing that one is afraid of their child it ruins the stability and foundation that a child needs in order to blossom. Showing fear in face of adversity is different and not what is being discussed.

When parents are high strung before the child comes home and is seemingly irritated or when a teacher seems to be  unsure of themselves and uncomfortable  and lost in the classroom, it makes the children feel at unease and lost too.

When you show a child that you are afraid/ uncomfortable around them it indicates to the child that their caretaker is weak, and vulnerable and incapable of caring for them correctly. Thus they might feel compelled to take advantage of the situation and behave in the way you had feared; acting out, misbehavior, trouble and so on. Therefore it is extremely important that as a teacher, educator or parent you do not let your fear stand in the way of educating your child.

Fear of Children? Keep your feelings to yourself and deal with it head on:

How can you do so?

  1. Know that you are in charge- it is your house or classroom and the child cannot dictate how to act
  2. show confidence in what you say even if you do not feel it, stand straight and make eye contact
  3. stand to the ground and stick to it if you say something then follow through on your actions
  4. do not discipline without thinking it through and letting the child know the consequence of their actions
  5. review and revisit rules
  6. be proactive try to stop the behavior before it actually happens

When you show a child that you mean business and there is no fooling around with you, children realize they must comply with your wishes.

As long as your being reasonable, fair and taking the child’s needs into consideration you should know that you are doing the best to educate and discipline your child. Be confident!