Every August, without fail, I would find myself standing in a store aisle at 9pm, three days before the first day of school, holding a cart full of things I should have bought two weeks earlier.
It happened as a teacher, stocking my classroom the night before open house. It happened as a mom, realizing the night before school started that nobody had actually tried on last year’s shoes to see if they still fit. Every single year, the same scramble, the same feeling of running just behind the calendar instead of ahead of it.
It took me longer than I would like to admit to figure out that the scramble was not actually about the shopping. It was about waiting too long to deal with how I was feeling about the year ahead.
The feeling comes before the to-do list
I used to walk into my classroom the week before school started and feel this tight knot in my stomach that I could not explain. I had prepped my lessons. I had my supplies. On paper, I was ready. But I did not feel ready.
One year I finally sat with that feeling instead of pushing past it. What I found underneath was nerves about a specific group of students I had heard difficult things about. Once I named that, actually named the real thing I was nervous about, I could do something about it. I reached out to their previous teacher for insight. I planned specific strategies before day one instead of reacting on the fly. The knot loosened because I finally knew what it was.
That is the piece most back-to-school advice skips. We jump straight to checklists and supply lists before ever asking what we are actually feeling about the year ahead, and why.
Name it, understand it, then deal with it
Whatever you are feeling about the new school year, nervous, sad the summer is ending, worried about a specific thing, it is worth three honest minutes to work through before you touch a single supply list.
- Name the feeling. Not just “stressed,” get specific. Nervous, overwhelmed, sad, worried, all of these point you toward different next steps.
- Ask where it is coming from. Nervous because you feel unprepared? Worried about a specific person or situation? The feeling is a clue, not a verdict.
- Ask what would actually help. Once you know the source, you can usually name one concrete thing that would ease it. Do that thing.
This works for you as the adult, and it also works as a script for your child, who is very likely feeling something about the year ahead too and does not yet have the words for it.
Do not wait until the night before to run through this. The best time to ask yourself what might make next year easier is the last day of the current school year, while everything is still fresh, not the last week of summer when panic has already set in.
The checklist that actually prevents the 9pm scramble
Once the feelings are named and addressed, the practical side gets so much easier. Here is what I actually do, as both a teacher and a mom, to stay ahead of the calendar instead of chasing it.
None of this needs to happen all at once. Pick one or two of these a week during the last stretch of summer and by the first day you have done the work without ever having had a single overwhelming night of it.
What your child is feeling, even if they cannot say it
Kids carry the same nervous energy about a new year that we do, they just usually do not have the words for it yet, which is part of why crying at school spikes so hard in the first weeks.
One of my kids gets quiet in the week before school starts. Not upset exactly, just quiet. It took me a few years to realize that was her version of nervous. Once I started naming it for her, “it seems like you might be feeling a little nervous about starting a new class, is that right?” she would nod and then actually talk. She just needed someone to hand her the word first.
Ask your child directly. Is there something specific worrying them, a friend not being in their class, a teacher they do not know yet, a subject that was hard last year? Naming the actual worry, rather than a vague “I don’t want to go back,” gives you something concrete to work with together.
If your child has had a rough year before, address it directly rather than hoping it will not repeat. A quick word with the new teacher about what helped or did not help last year goes a long way, and if any checkups or appointments got pushed off over the summer, getting those out of the way before day one removes one more unknown from the list.
Books that help kids process the return to school
If your child is struggling to name what they are feeling about the year ahead, the right book can do a lot of that work for them. I go into this in more depth in my guide to books about emotions for kids, but a few are especially good for the back-to-school transition specifically.
Some links below are Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases, at no extra cost to you. I only share things I would use with my own girls.
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Already a favorite in our house for school transitions specifically. A small ritual a child can carry with them into a new classroom.
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A fun twist that makes first-day nerves feel normal and even a little funny, which takes some of the weight off.
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Marketed for kids with ADHD, but I love this one for any little one who does better with a visual countdown. The structure itself is what helps, regardless of why a child needs it.
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A version that grows with them, great for older kids who want a bit more ownership over their own countdown and routine.
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The complete option if you want everything in one bundle rather than piecing it together yourself.
Remember this when it feels overwhelming
Being nervous will not help you. Addressing the emotion will.
That applies to you and it applies to your child. The families who walk into the first day feeling calm are not the ones who had no worries. They are the ones who named their worries early enough to actually do something about them.
- Have I named what I am actually feeling about this year, specifically?
- Have I asked my child the same question, in their own words?
- Is there one concrete thing, however small, that would ease the biggest worry on this list?
- Have I done that one thing, or at least started it, before the last week of summer?
The butterflies are supposed to be there
Here is something I have told every new teacher I have ever mentored: if you do not feel a flutter of nerves before a new school year starts, something is wrong. Not because nerves feel good, but because they mean you still care about getting it right. The year you stop feeling anything is the year you have checked out.
The same is true for parents and for kids. Feeling nervous and excited at the same time is not a problem to fix. It is the correct response to something that matters. The goal was never to make the butterflies disappear. It is to prepare well enough that the butterflies stop being the only thing you feel.
The teacher letter that turns nerves into excitement
Every year before a new school year starts, I create a little welcome book for my own kids. I pretend it is a letter from their new teacher, waiting for them at home before the first day.
It says something like: “I am so excited for you to come to nursery this year. I heard you are the bravest, cutest, and most delicious kid ever, and I cannot wait to meet you.” Then I walk them through what will actually happen. When we get to school we will hang up your coat. We will meet your teacher at orientation. I explain what orientation is, step by step, so nothing on the actual day is a surprise.
My kids light up every single time I read them their “letter.” It gives them something to look forward to instead of something to dread, and it turns the unknown into something they already feel a little bit prepared for. That feeling, of walking in already knowing roughly what to expect, is priceless.
You do not need to be a teacher or a designer to do this. A simple note, even handwritten, that names something specific and kind about your child and walks them through what the day will look like, does the same work. It replaces the vague fear of the unknown with something concrete to hold onto.
You do not need every answer figured out. You just need to have asked the question early enough that panic never gets the chance to answer it for you.
Quick recap:
- Name the actual feeling about the year ahead before you touch a single checklist
- Ask where the feeling is coming from, then ask what would actually help
- Try on shoes and uniforms two weeks out, not the night before
- Start the school routine a few days early so the first morning is not also the first shock
- Ask your child directly what they are nervous about. They likely just need the words handed to them
- Being nervous will not help you. Addressing the emotion will 💚